Not just a pretty face...

I am actually worthless at work today, I am so ready to hit the road with Beau and then... take a nap! LOL so why not blog and make up for last week..

First we just had a 'going away' party for a co-worker...with cake! I was good and had a bit size only piece, even with the peer pressure I only had one! YAY ME!!!!

So here is something: I got an email from a family member recently asking me if I was “happy”. I had to ask them to be more specific and I found she was asking “why I was going on a diet, if I was happy with my life and if Beau liked me just the way I was then why change?”

Well as surprising and flattering as it is that I found a man (or more so he found me) that was attracted to me just the way I am this is something I need to do with me, because I look in the mirror and I see “disgusting” and I don’t mean my face. Yeah yeah I know “I have such a pretty face”

I am doing this for me, for me to be happy with my body, for me to be confident when walking into a room, for me to be healthy, for me to wear the closthes I only dream of wearing. My cousin was the first person to honestly ask me why and I appreciated it and I appreciated her acknowledging my fight and encouraging me to fight on even if she didn’t think I needed to lose the weight, but she was making sure I was doing this for the right reason. And didn’t want me to make myself miserable.

So on a side tangent let us look at the phrase “You have such a pretty face”… You know that isn’t as much of a compliment as some of you think because while I am hearing you say I'm pretty, I am thinking to myself “I know I’m pretty, who said anything about me being ugly?” So when someone acknowledges they are overweight don’t follow up with “but…you have such a pretty face” or “she is such a pretty girl” dot dot dot!  I know you mean well but well instead respond with. “I love you just the way you are, but how can I help?”.

Am I in trouble?

Did you miss me? Yeah well… sorry, I’ve been a slacker. It doesn’t help that work has been majorly hectic the past 2 and a half weeks not to mention I work for the wicked witch of the east (flying monkeys and all).

Honestly even with work being crazy I made the conscious decision NOT to go to WW last week which is why there was no update that and the fact I didn’t have time to slack off and blog on my lunch hour, hell I didn’t have time for “a” lunch. WHICH is why I didn’t go because lunch was whatever was close to put in my mouth which happened to be the vending machines down stairs. Yeh yeh bad Stacy.

But I made up for it I worked extra hard this week, and a special thanks to the 24 hr flu. (is that really true? Can you get the flu for only 24 hours? Well whatever it was…tanks dude) I went to WW today and I dropped 1.6…. grand total of 3.1 pounds since joining. Could be better but my motto “A loss is a loss” or as I told my co-worker today I had a positive negative… ha-ha… I also told him it was his fault for letting me eat potato chips and not stopping me from grabbing a coke when I needed a water. Well we had a deal, after my morning coffee no coke till after four glasses of water....and he isn't a very good drill sargent! AND I am very good at point fingers at everyone BUT me. J

So this weekend will be a “test”, Beau and I will be going out of “town” for the weekend. We aren’t going more than 30 miles away but hey it isn’t Woodbridge and that is all that matters. The test is…can I still be good? Probably because I always secretly look at Beau when we are out and think “does he pay attention to what I order?” I know he pays attention to how much I eat because he always comments I don’t eat enough, which is honestly part of my problem. Anyway I don’t do anything easy so trip away/diet sure…why not! We will be walking…and stuff!

Oh and did I mention I am on a diet to lose weight and Beau has put himself on a diet to gain weight? I’m like hmmm how is this going to work? Well… he is gaining but I pointed out a “beer gut” really wasn’t his goal so maybe he should re-think his strategy….

Okay then… TA-TA for now! <3 ya!

1.5 down 98.5 to go...

So today was my first weigh in since joining Weight Watcher and I lost 1.5 pounds... YAY ME!!!!

I will admit though I joined last week and I watched what I ate I did not follow the points system to a T (or is it tee?) I was still dieting, just not as hard core as I could. I went out to eat once (and ate off their light menu shh Caryll don't tell about the roasted potatoes) and even turned down a two free meals with my folks (both would have been take out or eat out) So this coming week however I promise to start with truly following the points system but first I have to take a few minutes out of my day to figure out the new system.

I'll write more soon followers, this week has been a little hectic!

Ta-ta for now! <3 you!

Snow is not your friend!

Well at least it isn’t mine; it seems to like messing with my work schedule. So once again I do not have a full week of work this week. WTF… however it did not stop me from going to join Weight Watchers! AHHAHA! And you thought I’d use it as an excuse not to go…

So I finally rolled on out of bed yesterday about 9:30 to try and unstick my car, which had gotten stuck after my three hour drive home from work. I made it into my parking lot but never fully into my parking spot! NICE!!! Anyway I went outside with my cute red hat and black and white polka dotted galoshes and asked to “barrow” a shovel and did the minimal amount necessary to get my car out of the snow… I HATE SHOVELING! If I wanted snow I’d move north! Or better yet if my boyfriend would move in he could shovel for me! Okay getting off the point. I went to WEIGHT WATCHERS…

I stepped on the scale and waited and waited…she took her time telling me how much my first weigh in was, I was about to ask if there would be a drum roll when she said 267.4… WHAT??? (that’s a good “WHAT?”) See when I’d gone to the Dr. two weeks ago they weighed me at 272. So I’ve either already lost 5 pounds OR the scale at the DR’s was wrong… So I am going with I already lost 5 pounds! LOL At least Amy said I should. THOUGH I’m only counting that as encouragement pounds, because I am actually starting at my weight from yesterday in the count of 100 pounds….

So starting weight is 267.4 let the losing begin….

Head Start...

I don’t know if you do this or not, but when I start thinking about going on a diet I automatically start watching what I put in my mouth. Like yesterday; I started upping my water intake, and limiting my caffeine, though I’ll never give up my morning coffee. Then my Mom and I went to Bloom (our local grocery store) and did a “small” grocery shop, you know like the essentials: yogurt, 100 calorie popcorn, Cheese, Healthy Choice Meals…  so now I’m set for the start line, which is approaching though I think I gave myself a head start.

Yesterday I started my first blog with “I’ve always been fat” I have two things I want to clerify…

1.       The word “FAT” can be used only by the person who is “fat”. I am allowed to call myself fat/disgusting and any other word of my choosing however, others may not. Why is that? Well it’s just mean, whether it is true or not… and when I call myself “fat” it my defense mechanism kicking in, I will call myself a name before you can. Myself being overweight I do not call other “fat” girls “fat”, when referring to someone in my size range I will say “she is my size” or “she looks like me” which may not be fair either but well it just gets confusing from here out.

2.       The phrase “I’ve always been”; yes I have, check out the pics from my childhood, see my skinny mini sister beside me. Though as a teenager I was never as large as I thought I was (I was constantly compairing myself to Caryll), I was just larger than my friends. I was a good size 12 or 14 most of my High School years, though when I graduated I was a size 18, a few years later I dropped back down to a 16 probably between ages 20-22 but then stayed steady at 20 for most of my 20’s. It wasn’t until 30 that I started to get larger and today (age 34) I go between the sizes of 22-24. It will be a happy day when I am back in a size 18, then 14, then 12….

so I have to say I'm proud of myself for starting before I actually register to me it shows I am ready to do this... I am ready to make this change (Why is "man in the mirror" playing in my head)..

I think one thing I need to point out is this, I am not doing this for anyone else but me. No one told me I need to do this, not even my DR, oddly enough my Dr. has never told me I need to lose weight though she has always encouraged me to do so, when I've pointed it out. My family has of course made it known they wish I'd lose some weight but recently it hadn't come up. My boyfriend Beau though he is  6' 3" and 185 (on a good day, I really think he is less) he likes me pleasantly plump and therefore has never made a comment about my size (5' 6", 272 as of last weeks dr's appointment). This is for ME and if I happen to encourage others along the way then wonderful if not then GO me for making a change!

TODAYS PICTURES:

Beau and I, on my Birthday in December 2010

This is the "FB Picture" the one where I said "OMG WHO IS THAT" take December 2010

This is why...

So let’s be honest here, I’m fat! I’ve always been fat…and I have been okay with that for most my life (or at least I’ve told myself that). Sure I have/had those moments when I’m getting ready to go out on a date or out with friends and started crying because nothing looks cute on me but you know even skinny girls have that problem. Anyway my point is I’ve dealt. I thought to myself, you know I have no problems finding dates, my friends love me, as long as I am happy then what should it matter how much I weigh? WELL IDIOT IT DOES!

I don’t do well with being told to do something. I guess maybe I never have, but that’s a question for my mother. So when my parents would suggest I go on a diet I’d get defensive and look at them like “Pot? Kettle? Which one do you want to be?” I have said time and time again making a change has to be my decision. I have to decide I want to be different, I want to improve myself. And now I have…

About two weeks ago I was tagged on FB in a photo with my one of my best friends, Christina, who was visiting for Christmas with her family, now I’ve always been a lot bigger then Christina even in 10^th grade but I was use to seeing our differences in photos UNTIL this one and I thought to myself “OMG WHO IS THAT FAT GIRL, I look disgusting!!!!”   I was tempted (and still am) to ask her to take it down but well then that would be a weakness and I show no weakness when it comes to my size (that’s another blog).

So last week I was watching TV on my couch with my coffee and cigarettes (another change coming in 2011), being lazy like I am every day, and for the trillionth time the Jennifer Hudson "New Day" Weight Watcher commercial came on. Okay I’m a huge Weight Watcher fan but really J-Hud you are getting on my last nerve! But then it hit me… I need to get off my couch and start moving… I need to finally say “this is it” and lose the weight.

Friday afternoon I emailed my Mom and Sister and explained how it was time for me to take that step, and Friday night I discussed it with my boyfriend,  Beau likes that I’m a plus size women however I will say he is also very supportive of me making this change and even offered to go walking with me.  

Now why  blog about this you ask? I’ll tell you, I am always one with “BIG” ideas and I start them (most times) but I never finish. With both conversations (the one with my family and the one with Beau) I stressed how much I will need encouragement and support. I have a friend who is currently doing Weight Watchers online and she is doing great, but I need to have someone I have to report to every week in order to stay motivated, so now I need you out in Blog world too. I think writing a blog will help me with some of my hidden issues with always being the “fat” girl, it will help when I am having problems staying on track, and I have you to report to as well, not just the lady at WW who probably won’t remember me from week to week.

So when do I start? THURSDAY! (it’s pay day) I’ve chosen a place by work, so every Thursday I can go during lunch and attend meetings. I’m going do this and I’m going to be successful!

So to come: more ramblings of a “fat” girl, updates on how I am doing, pictures of the progress, and much more.

At 1 with my sister older (btw I'm the baby)...

At 5 (I think)

At 10 (check out the cool hair and shorts...)

At 13, I think they took this to show my "ackward stage"

At 17 (Homecoming)

At 21...