I don’t know if you do this or not, but when I start thinking about going on a diet I automatically start watching what I put in my mouth. Like yesterday; I started upping my water intake, and limiting my caffeine, though I’ll never give up my morning coffee. Then my Mom and I went to Bloom (our local grocery store) and did a “small” grocery shop, you know like the essentials: yogurt, 100 calorie popcorn, Cheese, Healthy Choice Meals… so now I’m set for the start line, which is approaching though I think I gave myself a head start.
Yesterday I started my first blog with “I’ve always been fat” I have two things I want to clerify…
1. The word “FAT” can be used only by the person who is “fat”. I am allowed to call myself fat/disgusting and any other word of my choosing however, others may not. Why is that? Well it’s just mean, whether it is true or not… and when I call myself “fat” it my defense mechanism kicking in, I will call myself a name before you can. Myself being overweight I do not call other “fat” girls “fat”, when referring to someone in my size range I will say “she is my size” or “she looks like me” which may not be fair either but well it just gets confusing from here out.
2. The phrase “I’ve always been”; yes I have, check out the pics from my childhood, see my skinny mini sister beside me. Though as a teenager I was never as large as I thought I was (I was constantly compairing myself to Caryll), I was just larger than my friends. I was a good size 12 or 14 most of my High School years, though when I graduated I was a size 18, a few years later I dropped back down to a 16 probably between ages 20-22 but then stayed steady at 20 for most of my 20’s. It wasn’t until 30 that I started to get larger and today (age 34) I go between the sizes of 22-24. It will be a happy day when I am back in a size 18, then 14, then 12….
so I have to say I'm proud of myself for starting before I actually register to me it shows I am ready to do this... I am ready to make this change (Why is "man in the mirror" playing in my head)..
I think one thing I need to point out is this, I am not doing this for anyone else but me. No one told me I need to do this, not even my DR, oddly enough my Dr. has never told me I need to lose weight though she has always encouraged me to do so, when I've pointed it out. My family has of course made it known they wish I'd lose some weight but recently it hadn't come up. My boyfriend Beau though he is 6' 3" and 185 (on a good day, I really think he is less) he likes me pleasantly plump and therefore has never made a comment about my size (5' 6", 272 as of last weeks dr's appointment). This is for ME and if I happen to encourage others along the way then wonderful if not then GO me for making a change!
TODAYS PICTURES:
Beau and I, on my Birthday in December 2010
This is the "FB Picture" the one where I said "OMG WHO IS THAT" take December 2010
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